How Many Hats

Using an analogy from the business world literature, how many hats do you wear? Hats allow us to hide. I am part of an ascending family yet I am so much more than that. Yet, for a long time, I have worn the mother of ascending family hat so that I would not have to confront my own truth and the search for what my truth is. So the questions that dance around my head are: What does one’s own truth feel like? How do I determine whether it is my own truth and not someone else’s truth?

In the process of trying to find my truth, I found mirrors of what truth is, rather than what truth is not. For example, children believe that standing in your truth means speaking out loud what you see or believe, no matter what the consequences are. This led to me the idea that truth should contain tact and compassion as attributes. However, children are candid and if they are told to rephrase their sentences so that they do not hurt the feelings of others, does this mean we are suggesting they moderate or modify their truth, in which case, is it still their truth? There are more questions that arise due to this mirror: Can truth be diluted if it is moderated? Are social graces mere games to keep us from finding our truth and expressing it?

Another mirror I had is that the search for my own truth has actually kept me from finding my truth. I believe I have allowed myself to be caught up in the definition of what truth is rather than becoming the expression of my truth. I also expect to feel my truth; and yet, should it not be a state one exists within?

I also realized recently that fear has played a major part in keeping me from finding out what it means to me to stand in my own truth. The fear is ancestral fear and body level fear: What happened last time they stood up and attracted attention? “Oops, the last time this happened, we got smacked so let’s rather hide”. It is fear of what the truth might be or require from me. What will I have to change in order to represent that truth?

I have finally come to the conclusion that standing in your truth is a work in progress and what my truth is in the moment IS the truth, regardless of the duration of that truth. If the truth changes, so have I or so have the circumstances that made that truth be the truth in that moment. And this is enough for me at present, which is not to say that I will feel this way tomorrow. I have also come to see that my truth remains my truth, irrespective of the hat I am wearing, be it mother, wife, daughter, or woman or anything else that I represent.

Carmen

Carmen offers consultations in English and Spanish and if you wish to get in touch with me, I can be reached at: shya@iintend.net

HOW MANY HATS MUST

I TRY ON TO FIT MY TRUTH?

By Carmen Escobar