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Every journey starts somewhere – it is different for everybody. My journey started out of the necessity to heal my body. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. I am writing this so that you can start to open your heart without needing to go into illness to get jolted into action.
Of course I did not know that my heart was closed. I was very good at helping everybody around me – the list is long. There was no doubt that my heart was wide open because I fulfilled all of these expectations I expected of myself that made me feel that I was a good person. This was the part of me that was not in balance. Often I enjoyed the giving and taking among friends and family.
There was however one person I could not do much for – that was myself. So the day came when I had to be honest to myself, about the life I was leading and about my friends and family. Why did I do all of what I thought was expected of me? Did I want to do it? Often I did not and wondered why I had agreed to do something. The answers come if we really want to know. I wanted to be loved, I wanted to be part of the group of people around me. To be needed gave me what I thought was fulfillment. I also looked at the possibility that to give and give could become a manipulation of those who receive.
My next question was why I closed my heart. I understood later that it was to numb myself to pain – pain that had accumulated in this life. Once I started to release karma I found that it had started much earlier in other life times of my ancestors and that a great deal was the return of the wheel of karma triggered to be re-enacted in this lifetime until released and forgiven. I also found that there were certain eras in ancient times where my ancestors started to close their hearts. For me it is particularly the era of the Annanukis with Athena and the era of the Pharaos Ra and Tutt. Meeting their ancestors triggered a lot of karma related to the heart. A great contributor to closing the heart is rejection. Every time we are rejected, we feel the rejection of all of our ancestors. That is painful.
Having found SSOA I got some useful tools. I started by intending to open my heart and feel again and to find all karma that would assist me in doing this. And so the journey of opening my heart had started. I also found that my Inner Beloved was missing and needed to be found again and be integrated. It was a bit of a rough trip at times - the journey is continuing. I discovered why I always felt this big knot in my life I could not undo. Once I started unravelling it, my life also started to change and I felt differently towards myself. I also could see more clearly what needed to change in my life and found the courage to do it.
The understanding of my life was like a detective story. I asked questions and tested them all the time. I did this by using my pendulum or muscletested because my in-sight or vision in front of my inner screen is still developing. I got answers that brought illumination and understanding and sadness. Sadness was quite a good thing as I realized that I could feel. I learned to feel and allowed myself through the catharsis of whatever was up. I could let go of my fear to feel because I had noticed that after the catharsis I felt better and lighter. There was rarely a long time of depression.
At the same time I intended whatever I thought would be useful for my quest. I also looked at my energy field to find where it was distorted so that I could release the karma and repair and retrieve and send back and forgive. Forgiveness came easy to me because I was always aware that my ancestors and I might have harmed other human beings, the Earth and the nature kingdoms unconsciously. Just the fact that I enjoyed eating the animal kingdom quite happily is an example. A great help were the many articles on the SSOA website. I tested everything in the articles if it could apply to me and let go of lots of karma this way. Now the “Complete Workbook” is an enormous help to everybody who is starting out on this path. Becoming an affiliate of the school brings much learning and understanding.
I also look at the polarity thought-forms to find the middle path or Language of Light. I find this very revealing. The work with the thought-forms in chapter 2 of the Workbook brought up a lot of karma relating to my heart chakra and emotional body I could then release. Every day I find the herb that could be useful for letting go of what I am working on at the moment. Sometimes it could be a number of herbs, at other times it is one herb that I need to connect with for some days. I also make the herbal tinctures to assist me further.
A great help is the Earth Mother and now the Heart of the Tao and the Nature Kingdoms. The Animal Kingdom often mirrors what needs to be released. Meeting Elephant is always very emotional for me and the Swan kingdom assists me in further opening my heart. Tiger is helping to keep my boundaries. I feel very blessed to have access to all the Kingdoms and Earth and to get all the help from Mila and Oa and the other affiliates at the school. Everybody can open these connections and commune.
With the internal changes came external changes. I had to let go of some friends and even family. But I also lost my fear generally and the fear of not being enough in many respects. I learned how to be angry again. That came out a bit over the top at times in the beginning and was shocking to my beloved ones, but all has to be learned or re-learned. Looking back now I think that it was then that I started to henna my hair. I needed the colour red as a help to dare being angry. I also changed the colour of my clothing from all round lavender to orange and more bright colours. That attracted some comments – sad ones at times. One woman came to me to tell me that I had a lot of courage to wear the colour orange. That tells a story – part of my own too.
While I was working on my heart I found an article in the local paper that touched me. I did not get the story because it was a reply to an earlier story. The headline was “’The Wonder of Loving Yourself” I like to quote some of what Xolamazi ka Sam wrote: “….At one stage in my life I was deceived, rejected, lied to, and lied to. There was a time when I felt like giving up. I lost hope of ever being accepted. I was angry. I promised myself that one day I would get revenge against the people who have made my life hell. Since hate begets hate, the baggage of carrying that load of hatred became enormous for me to carry it around. I decided to drop it, to let go and forgive.” It continues later:” …..I discovered wonders of being me. I fell hopelessly in love with myself. I enjoyed being with myself and by myself. I started to build the relationship between my body and my soul. I now love myself so much that those around me wonder what is it that draws them to me. I do not claim to be perfect or that everybody loves me, but I am content with the ones that I know love me. Most of all I love me….”
Physically I also have achieved some changes out of disease and ailments. That gives me the certainty that I can regenerate my body through ascension. For this the opening of the heart is most important. The heart chakra is generating all the other chakras. If it is very small or does not function properly, all the other chakras will be affected. This would also expand the Space Between which will allow dark forces more access to the energy field.
The best of all the change is that I am happy and love myself and feel fulfilled from within. I feel that the second part of my life has started on a different footing. The first part I see as my apprenticeship for what is to come, meandering learning and opening to compassion. There are sad days but that are part of letting go of the old paradigm and come to learn the middle path of ascension. I know that the sun will always shine again as soon as I have completed with this particular karma.
To conclude, I can say that opening my heart and my feelings has helped me to feel good all round. When I go back into a karmic interaction in my earlier life and I feel again how I felt then, I know that I don’t want to go back but only move forward. Thanks to the tools of ascension that courageous, compassionate and so much more - Mila and Oa - have brought into my life I can do it - we all can.
For me this process has started as a little trickle that develops into a brook then into a stream from where it continues until it forms the big ocean of unlimited possibilities. It comes across all sorts of pebbles and rocks and sticks and sometimes a weir that is difficult to overcome. But water always finds a way……..
Monika offers ascension consultations and can be reached at komm-unity@cyberperk.co.za
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